I don’t know where all these tears are coming from. But the world is so large and beautiful and overwhelming in the best of ways and I think I may have forgotten that. With the stars out here it’s impossible not to feel it.
I saw a shooting star. I made a great wish.
How about some Fanta?
I don’t think you believe. But you should. Because there’s a difference between being in a really awful place and being sad. And I was in an awful place for months. Months on months on months and I could go on for quite a while about what made it so awful and what I thought about myself. And sometimes those thoughts come to mind now. I am still allowed to be sad. I can still be emotional. I can still cry while I’m folding laundry or washing my face and want to curl up in bed all day or want to keep talking to you or keep talking about you or do absolutely anything and everything I can to keep you off my mind. I can feel and do all of those things but I will remind myself not to feel guilty for it because the alternative is someone I do not like. And I don’t think you particularly liked her either. And I will remember that there is resilience in all of me, and there is time in the world and there needs to be perspective in my life. There is a great difference between feeling awful and being in an awful place. Right now I’m just the former.